Disciplining grade-school age children has its unique challenges and rewards. While children this age are better able to articulate their feelings and demonstrate self-control, disciplining big kids can still require some handling of tantrums and tears.
When a big kid has the occasional meltdown, it's important to try to be mindful of the importance of teaching respect when disciplining children. Even if your child is pushing your buttons, try to remember to talk to her the way that you would want to be talked to.
It's also helpful to keep in mind that disciplining school-age children can be a way to lay down foundations for good behavior. Some parents may think of child discipline as something you do when a kid misbehaves. But many experts say that disciplining children should be more about working with your child to guide him/her toward good behavior so that he/she can make good choices on his/her own. As your grade-schooler grows into a child who can increasingly discipline him/herself, here are some ways you can guide him:
• When Disciplining Children: Expect some steps forward -- and some back
As children get older and enter kindergarten and grade school, they begin to develop better self control to deal with frustrations and disappointments. They also become increasingly more able to talk about their feelings, and are better able to understand and follow rules. That said, they are still young, and can sometimes easily fall back into meltdowns, whining, and other negative behavior more common in toddler and preschooler years.
• When Disciplining Children: Get your child involved in setting limits and rules
Now that your child is in kindergarten or grade school, he will be better able to understand why some rules are necessary (for his health, safety, etc.). Explain your position, listen to his opinion, and then compromise where you can. If his friend goes to bed at 9, but you’d rather that your child’s bedtime was 8, tell him you’ll try out 8:30 provided he doesn’t seem too tired during the day.
• When Disciplining Children: Be firm about R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Let him/her know it’s safe to express his/her feelings -- as long as he/she does so respectfully. If he/she acts cranky with you (hey, we all have bad days, grown-ups included), tell him/her to speak to you in a nice way. Then, when he/she’s more peaceful, talk to him about what was making him/her unhappy. Many of us parents over looked this. Respect also goes both ways, so speak to your child the way you want him to speak to you. Don't shout, say what you need to in a calm manner, and remember to say “please” and “thank you.”
• When Disciplining Children: Give “do’s” instead of “don’ts”
Focus on the behavior you want to see, not what he’s doing wrong. Instead of saying, “Don’t throw that ball around the house” say “Doing that could break something. Let’s go outside and play.”
• When Disciplining Children: Find out what’s behind the behavior
Maybe he/she was rude to a playmate because he/she’d had too many activities that day. Step back, and consider what may have caused him/her to misbehave. Later, after he/she’s calmer, ask him/her what he was thinking and feeling.
• When Disciplining Children: Keep child discipline short and simple
Though your grade-schooler is better able to understand rules, avoid going into too much detail. Getting into a long explanation about something you want him/her to do can be confusing. It can also give your child the message that you’re not certain about what you’re saying, be as simple and direct as you can.
• When Disciplining Children: Be consistent and firm when disciplining children
Bedtime is bedtime, time to read must not be replaced with time to play. This should not be compromised at all. If you waver, he’ll know he can push the boundaries again the next time.
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