Effective strategies for parents to child disciplining

Disciplining grade-school age children has its unique challenges and rewards. While children this age are better able to articulate their feelings and demonstrate self-control, disciplining big kids can still require some handling of tantrums and tears.

When a big kid has the occasional meltdown, it's important to try to be mindful of the importance of teaching respect when disciplining children. Even if your child is pushing your buttons, try to remember to talk to her the way that you would want to be talked to.

It's also helpful to keep in mind that disciplining school-age children can be a way to lay down foundations for good behavior. Some parents may think of child discipline as something you do when a kid misbehaves. But many experts say that disciplining children should be more about working with your child to guide him/her toward good behavior so that he/she can make good choices on his/her own. As your grade-schooler grows into a child who can increasingly discipline him/herself, here are some ways you can guide him:

• When Disciplining Children: Expect some steps forward -- and some back

As children get older and enter kindergarten and grade school, they begin to develop better self control to deal with frustrations and disappointments. They also become increasingly more able to talk about their feelings, and are better able to understand and follow rules. That said, they are still young, and can sometimes easily fall back into meltdowns, whining, and other negative behavior more common in toddler and preschooler years.

• When Disciplining Children: Get your child involved in setting limits and rules

Now that your child is in kindergarten or grade school, he will be better able to understand why some rules are necessary (for his health, safety, etc.). Explain your position, listen to his opinion, and then compromise where you can. If his friend goes to bed at 9, but you’d rather that your child’s bedtime was 8, tell him you’ll try out 8:30 provided he doesn’t seem too tired during the day.

• When Disciplining Children: Be firm about R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Let him/her know it’s safe to express his/her feelings -- as long as he/she does so respectfully. If he/she acts cranky with you (hey, we all have bad days, grown-ups included), tell him/her to speak to you in a nice way. Then, when he/she’s more peaceful, talk to him about what was making him/her unhappy. Many of us parents over looked this. Respect also goes both ways, so speak to your child the way you want him to speak to you. Don't shout, say what you need to in a calm manner, and remember to say “please” and “thank you.”

• When Disciplining Children: Give “do’s” instead of “don’ts”

Focus on the behavior you want to see, not what he’s doing wrong. Instead of saying, “Don’t throw that ball around the house” say “Doing that could break something. Let’s go outside and play.”

• When Disciplining Children: Find out what’s behind the behavior

Maybe he/she was rude to a playmate because he/she’d had too many activities that day. Step back, and consider what may have caused him/her to misbehave. Later, after he/she’s calmer, ask him/her what he was thinking and feeling.

• When Disciplining Children: Keep child discipline short and simple

Though your grade-schooler is better able to understand rules, avoid going into too much detail. Getting into a long explanation about something you want him/her to do can be confusing. It can also give your child the message that you’re not certain about what you’re saying, be as simple and direct as you can.

• When Disciplining Children: Be consistent and firm when disciplining children

Bedtime is bedtime, time to read must not be replaced with time to play. This should not be compromised at all. If you waver, he’ll know he can push the boundaries again the next time.

Handling a Child Who is Expressing Anger

When you hear about children killing other children, you may think, "I don't know a single child who could do such a thing."
What is anger?

Anger is an intense emotional state of displeasure with someone or something
Related Words: - aggravation, annoyance, exasperation, irritation, vexation; animosity, antagonism, antipathy, bile, bitterness, contempt, enmity, grudge, hostility, rancor; envy, jaundice, jealousy, pique, resentment; malevolence, malice, spite, venom, virulence, vitriol; belligerence, contentiousness, contrariness, disputatiousness, orneriness, pugnacity, querulousness; blowup, flare-up, outburst; dander, dudgeon, huff, pet, rise, ruffle, temper; delirium, heat, passion, warmth

Anger in children is normal. It is the expression of anger, rather than the anger itself, that becomes problematic. This is where anger management tips come in. They are a set of tools to help youngsters recognize symptoms of their anxiety, stand back and look at their reactions objectively so that they can choose more acceptable ways to express their emotions.
Too often the daily news confirms that children and teens can be violent, even deadly. As parents, families, teachers and members of the community, what can we do to help children cope with angry feelings--from frustration to rage?

Some young people turn to violence, because they do not see other ways to endure what they are feeling at that moment. They may not anticipate the repercussions of their violence.

How do Teenagers Express Anger?

Some of the signs that your teen may be struggling with emotional issues include the following:

• Behavior or academic trouble at school,

• Problems in relationships with family and friends,

• Isolation and withdrawal from family and friends,

• Suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

Anger that is explicit and explosive is more easily detected. Signs that your child may be getting too angry include things such as a racing heart and fast pulse, fast breathing, hyperventilation (when breathing is so fast, your teenager has trouble catching his or her breath), stiffened muscles, and a rise in temperature.

These symptoms, if recurrent and unresolved, can eventually lead to heart disease, high blood pressure, lower back pain and stomach problems such as ulcers and acid reflux.

If your child is exhibiting problems with anger management, there are several things you can do to help get him or her back in control.

These tips may help when you recognize a child who is withdrawing or exploding over everyday frustrations:

• Listen to what the child is saying about his or her feelings and be willing to talk about any subject. Young people today are dealing with adult problems such as love, sex, relationships, failure and rejection. Unfortunately, their minds and bodies simply are not ready for these stresses.

• Provide comfort and assurance. Tell the child that you care about his or her problems. Show confidence in his or her ability to tackle life's ups and downs.

• Tell the child that everyone experiences anger. Tell him or her about the last time you felt really angry and how you dealt with that anger in a positive way.

• Encourage the child to shift gears-to spend some time doing things he or she really likes to do-playing sports, , or reading a book. A different activity can refocus thoughts and help alleviate some of the angry feelings.

• Teach basic problem-solving skills. When upsetting situations arise, the child who has practiced these skills will be more likely to think through the consequences of different actions and will, ultimately, make a better choice than violence.

• Look at how you handle your own anger. Are you setting a good example? Would you want to be imitated by a child who admires you?

• Acknowledge good behavior. When a child deals with his or her anger in a positive way, praise the positive choice. Take every opportunity to reinforce strengths. Build the child’s awareness of his or her own talents and abilities.

If none of these approaches seems to work, and the child stays angry or withdrawn for a long time, seek help. Talk to your family doctor or pediatrician. Together, you may decide that your child and family need help from someone with more mental health training.

Watch out for more details on Anger Management for Children